CONGRATULATIONS!
You ARE exploring the thing WE have in common—we’re ALL gonna die someday. In a society that does an awesome job avoiding the topic, YOU are making progress! I know, at some point, you’ll be a catalyst for someone else to get to know death better—on their terms—as you are doing for yourself.
To support your effort, curiosity and desire to make meaning out of your mortality, each month we’ll offer up SMALL STEPS for your consideration. Explore by yourself, or buddy up with a friend or family member.
We’d love to hear what has worked for you! What propelled you forward in any direction? Your words might be just the inspiration someone else needs to take their initial SMALL STEPS.
EMAIL us with anything you’d like to share (we’re always happy to share anonymously as just another Pre-Dead human’s experience).
Order coffee with their name / nickname.
You’ll hear it called out when your order is up!
Frame a quote they were renowned for.
Print their quote (giving them credit) pop into a picture frame and display it in a high traffic area in your home.
SMALL STEP:
The funeral is over, family and friends joined you graveside. Stories were told at their celebration of life, ashes buried or scattered and memories were shared. Now what?
We invite you to get creative and have some fun with how you remember your loved ones after they official ceremonies are over.
Choose one (or some) of the ideas below (or one of your own!) that cost little or nothing to do and commit to doing it in the next 30 days. Let us know how it goes! If you’ve come up with one of your own, awesome! We’d love to share it. Send an EMAIL with the details.
Cook their favorite meal, or the one they enjoyed making for family and friends.
Re-name the dish to include their name, snap a photo and share the recipe on social media with a bit of a story behind it.
Go to an event or place they enjoyed going.
Make a date with yourself (or invite others), go to an art museum, the beach, ball game, hiking trail or favorite breakfast joint. Send a postcard to someone close to them and tell them about your “date”.
Name a day after them.
Pick a day in their favorite season and name it in honor of them. On this day, every year, share one story about them with anyone you choose.
Use their name in your next password update.
(You DO update your passwords right?)
Make a memory jar.
Ask friends and family to send you a memory they cherish. Print them off and place them in the jar. Pick out one each month and share via email as you go.
Caption a photo and make into a greeting card.
Watch their favorite movie.
Grab some popcorn, invite others to join you in person or pick a date when you can all watch virtually together.
Find an old photo. Photocopy it and make into a greeting card or piece of stationery. Write down a story the photo reminds you of and mail to five people of your choosing.
Designate a “hang-out” spot.
Find a spot outdoors and make that they place you go to connect and remember (even if they have a headstone!). It could be on your property, a public spot (you both loved people watching), a boulder in the woods or a ball field you frequented often.
SMALL STEP
So, you’re someone’s Emergency Contact? Are you ready for that? Who is YOUR Emergency Contact, do they know what would be important to you for medical treatment if you couldn’t advocate for yourself?
If you’ve joined us for any Pre-Dead Social Club events, you know we spend some time talking about WHO gets to make medical decisions for us if we’re unable to make them for ourselves. And here are THREE REASONS YOU SHOULD CARE: 1) Our medical system is complicated. 2) Relationships can be complicated. 3) Who YOU WANT to advocate for you, might not be the legal person that can. (Just because you list someone on a form or in your smart phone as an Emergency Contact, doesn’t give them legal rights to advocate for you if you can’t for yourself.
START HERE:
Grab your smart phone (if you aren’t already holding it).
Located your EMERGENCY CONTACT SCREEN under settings.
Note WHO you have listed here (if anyone).
What’s their relationship to you?
Locate them on the yellow list here —>
CONSIDER THIS: You’re in an accident in New Hampshire and cannot advocate for yourself, AND you DON’T have an Advance Directive. A medical surrogate will be assigned to you for up to 180 days based on this list.
QUESTION: Will the person you have listed as your Emergency Contact be able to make decisions for you under NH law, or is someone higher up on the list?
Does your Emergency Contact know what medical treatments you’d want and don’t want if you couldn’t advocate for yourself? And if you are an Emergency Contact - how confident are you in making those decisions for someone else.
TAKE THE QUIZ found on pages 21 & 22 (it doesn’t matter what state you live in, it’s a great quiz!) of this guide. —>
What did you just discover? Maybe you need to update your Emergency Contacts (no time like the present!). Or you realized the person you want to speak for you is so far down the list that they won’t be contacted, so you’ll need to make it official by completing an advance directive.
Each state has their own Advance Directive (just to keep it interesting for us all). To check out New Hampshire’s Advance Directive click HERE. You can GOOGLE Advance Directive Form for each state to obtain the one for the state you live in.
SMALL STEP
START HERE: Grab pen and paper and draw three columns.
Step 1: In Column #1, write the names of the people you are fond of that had someone significant to them die (it doesn’t matter how long ago they died).
Step 2: In Column #2, write down the name of the person who died.
Step 3: In Column #3 write down the last time you connected with the person in Column #1.
NEXT: What do you notice? What’s the relationship between the person in Column #1 and the person listed in Column #2? What’s your relationship to them? How fresh is your memory of the person who died?
For many of us, Column #3 might be looking pretty sparse. We get it. Days are full. Work keeps you hopping. Your people are in your thoughts, but the opportunity to stay connected never seems to present itself or you’re unsure of what actions would be welcome. If this is true for you, you’re not alone.
But your person might be. Alone that is. Especially if your person is a grandparent or parent. And a small gesture might be just what they need today.
TAKE ONE SMALL STEP: For each person in Column #1, pick one small step from the list below and give yourself a deadline to do it. Connection is what’s important.
SMALL STEP
Download our FREE PAMPHLET today. This family friendly, light-hearted tool is packed with three activities. You can do as little or as much as you like in one sitting. (Total estimated time ~30-90 min.)
BENEFITS:
+ You’ll capture the legacy (yes legacy!) you’ve created so far on this planet! You’ve led a cool life and it’s good to jog your memory to remind you of that. Additionally, this is an awesome chance to sit down with your parents, or elders in your family or community to “interview” them on the wild ride that was their past! To show interest in the lives others have led, in all their glory and messiness, is a gift to both of you.
+ You’ll take stock in how you are spending your time today and what is supporting you to thrive in the best possible ways.
+ You’ll make plans for the future based upon looking in the rearview mirror and where you are standing today!
We all exist somewhere between thriving and dying. At some point we’ll be asked to make weighty decisions (assuming death doesn’t come suddenly) related to our health and how that affects time we choose to spend on this planet.
++TWO ADDITIONAL BENEFITS of doing this exercise TODAY: 1) It offers a chance to reflect on our current chapter, and make any course corrections (if necessary) to support us to thrive in the best possible of ways, and 2) It’s a guidepost for our immediate and long-range future. When (not if) we need to make those important life decisions, it won’t be the first time we’ve sat down to seriously ponder what is truly important in our life.
One of the many benefits to stay connected with the Pre-Dead Social Club are the tools we develop, to use ANYTIME, not just when making end-of-life decisions.
We believe “Death is a Life Skill”!
Taking small steps now, encourages us to live intentionally, the best we can, and lay a solid foundation for when those proverbial forks in the road present themselves.